ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
