I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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