I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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