My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
