Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
