I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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