haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
