i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
