I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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