$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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