I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
