Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
