whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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