Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
