remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
