a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
