Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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