her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
