Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
