All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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