I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
