What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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