I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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