420 ftw
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
