I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
