final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just forgot I was standing up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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