i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
