She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am available for nakedness
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
