I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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