She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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