Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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