just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
