How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
