The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
