i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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