I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just gargled with NyQuil
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
