Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
