The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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