butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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