I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
