Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
