can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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