Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
