new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
