Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
