I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
