just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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