She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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