And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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