apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
